Jackson Shane 7 lbs 10 oz 20.7 in

(Disclaimer: I share everything so brace yourself)
He's here! Jackson Shane was born May 15th. My midwife had taken me out of work that Monday because my feet had swollen really bad and my blood pressure was up. She wanted me to stay home and put my feet up. On that Thursday (14th) I was doing just that. I had just gotten off the phone with Bill who was on his way home. Franklin was being cute so I decided to give him a treat. I had a little setup on the coffee table so I could reach everything I needed without having to get up (something that wasn't very easy to do). I reached for his kitty treats and when I opened them I dropped the top on the floor just under the table. Hmmmm. I reached down with my left hand. I couldn't reach it so I tried my right hand which I had to reach across my belly with. As I was trying to reach the top, I felt something unusual. My water had broken! I thought "quick run in the bathroom"! Well, there was nothing quick about it. My stomach was huge so it was hard to get up off the couch, let alone quickly. I put one hand on the coffee table and the other on the couch and tried to push myself up. It took me a few tries but luckily I made it. I was happy I made it to the bathroom without making a mess. Little did I know there was more to come! That little bit was just the beginning. I called Bill and told him the news. He was just a few minutes away so that made me feel better. I had been terrified that I would be home by myself when that happened and baby would come really fast before I could get to the hospital. Pregnant women worry about a lot of things, but even when I'm not pregnant I worry. I'm working on that. Anyway, I called the Dr.'s office and got the on call Dr. who told me to time the contractions and go to the hospital when they are 5 minutes apart. I wasn't so sure that I was having contractions. It turns out I was, they just started out really small and felt like light stomach/period cramps. I was timing them about 10 minutes apart once Bill got home. I wanted to make sure I ate dinner since I heard they don't let you eat once you get to the hospital until the baby arrives. Luckily Bill had a work event at lunch and brought home leftovers that we could heat up and eat real quick. We had planned to cook a steak out on the grill that night. So much for that! By the time we finished eating they were 7 minutes apart. So, I decided we needed to get moving. I already had my bag packed and in the car, we just needed to grab some pillows and the bag for Bill and bebe. We left a heap of food for the kitties and headed out the door. Luckily rush hour was over and we got through the tunnel quickly. Bill dropped me off at the front door and went to park. I went in, still able to walk just fine, and sat myself in one of the wheelchairs and waited for Bill. Incidently this was my first wheelchair ride and it was kinda fun. Of course, Bill was walking pretty fast so that added to the fun. He had bags hanging all over him but he managed to hang on to them all and get me up to the maternity floor.

They buzzed us in and I told them I had pre-registered, but I guess the nurse couldn't hear me. She was behind a huge desk and my head was just barely sticking up over it since I was in the chair. All of a sudden, the rest of my water broke. It went all over my shorts, all over the chair, and onto the floor. It literally looked like water (thank god) but I really thought I was peeing on the floor LOL! I just thought I had no control over my bladder or something, but then I realized what was going on. I kept apologizing and was totally embarrassed. Again I don't think the nurse heard me because she just kept asking me for my information to get me registered. I just looked at Bill and almost cried I was so embarrassed. Then it happened again and I just felt so helpless. Here I was sitting in the wheelchair, visitors were checking in and looking at my puddle on the floor and the damn nurse didn't seem to realize what was going on. Finally she heard me apologize again for making a mess on the floor and she was like "Oh, we'll get someone to clean that up" and then wheeled me to my room. I was so happy to get in there and get cleaned up. After a quick shower I had to put on that damn hospital gown. Tell me why they don't make bigger gowns for the maternity floor. Every patient on that floor has a big belly and those gowns do NOT fit! They wouldn't let me wear my own nightgown just in case something went wrong and they needed to do something...I stopped listening to the reason once I realized there was no way around it.

I was texting Lisa because she had planned to be in the room with me and Bill for the delivery to help me through it. However, she was in yoga and didn't get my messages until about 8:30, but then got to the hospital quite quickly. She wasn't expecting me to call because I was scheduled to be induced at 5:00 the next morning so she was taking the night off. I was worried that she wouldn't get there in time, but luckily she did a quick check of her phone and realized what was going on and jumped into action. The family arrived in waves and Bill and Lisa traded places with them to come see me since I could only have 3 visitors at a time. The contractions so far were nothing I couldn't handle with deep breaths. I was only about 2-3 cm at the time so it appeared the process would drag out a bit. Before I knew it it was midnight and the contractions were getting stronger. I was starting to think that maybe I couldn't finish without some sort of pain relief. I had really wanted to do it naturally, but as I sat there and the pain got worse, I realized the breathing was not going to do it for me. I started to tense up and get more uncomfortable as the contractions came on faster and faster and lasted longer. They started out lasting for about 30-45 seconds and by then they were 1 minute and 17 seconds. I was done. I told Lisa, ok, I need something, get the nurse. I decided to go with the epidural since it wouldn't effect the baby. When the nurse with the epidural got there, Lisa went out since I could only have one person in there for that. Bill helped me sit on the side of the bed and then put the little table in front of me to lean on. I noticed he was leaning to his side and I asked him if he was ok. He said he felt light headed. I thought, uh oh, I can't have him fainting on me during this, I have to stay still. So, he switched with Lisa. She held my hands and put her head against mine to help me concentrate on staying perfectly still in this uncomfortable position. I had to have my back bent and my head down so the nurse could get in between my vertabrea. The lady wasn't very friendly (unlike all the other nurses I had met there) and kept poking at my back making sure I wouldn't jump. She wouldn't tell me when she was going to poke me so I was startled and of course I moved. Lisa really had to help me concentrate because if I moved I was not going to be able to get the epidural and I had already made up my mind I couldn't do it without it. She finally finished and it felt awesome to be able to straighten my back. I was not meant to bend that way!

After a few minutes my legs started to feel numb. Lisa was like, here comes another contraction, and I didn't feel a thing. It was awesome! I started thinking, why the hell would I do this without it! It shouldn't have to hurt damn it! However, they had to put a blood pressure cuff on me that checked my bp every 15 minutes. It was an electric one so it did it automatically and seemed to get tighter than normal cuffs. By the time I went home I had little bruises on my arm from it and it kept me up the whole time so I didn't sleep much. It's hard to rest when you have this thing squeezing the bejeezus out of your arm every 15 minutes. Bill, Lisa and I decided to try to sleep a bit. I needed all the energy I could muster and they were exhausted too. Lisa laid out on the floor with a blanket facing me so she could hear if I needed her. Bill stretched out on the chair that pulled out. I tried to lay on my side while avoiding laying on my epidural tube, catheter tube (yep, that came with the epidural but I was oblivious), and iv in my hand. Yeah, I had to get an iv too and that was not fun. They had to put it in my hand because they couldn't get a good vain in my arm. So naturally I felt like I couldn't use that hand because there was a god forsaken needle sticking out of it! Needless to say I woke up every 15 minutes and was not comfortable because I was worried about all my tubes. I did manage to rest a little though. The nurse came in and checked my progress every now and then. The time line at this point is fuzzy, but Lisa wrote down the detailed schedule so I can add it to the baby book.

Let's just say that Sharon, the midwife, came in at some point in the day on Friday and put me on pitossin to speed things up. Around 2:30 Sharon came back in and told Bill to go get something to eat and we would start pushing at 3:00. She didn't want him to get light headed(I guess this happens to a lot of dads) and neither did I. I rested while he got something to eat. At this point I hadn't eaten since about 6:30 the night before. I was starving, but not focusing on it. I had other thoughts to occupy my mind, like when the hell our baby was going to arrive. At 3 she came back and we started the pushing process. Bill was on one side holding my leg and Lisa was on the other. Sharon was sitting at the foot of the bed and they were all coaching me along. I had to take a deep breath and push with all my might while they counted to 10. This is not so easy to do. I really wanted to let out my breath because I was starting to get a headache. Bebe was not moving down fast enough after an hour so she decided to give me a break to rest and let the bebe move down more on its own. I was happy to have the break. It turned out I got a fever so they had to give me tylenol for that. After I rested for an hour, Sharon came back and she basically said let's do this. What I didn't know was that she had the nurse turn off my epidural so I could push better. They told me to push once I felt a contraction coming on. I could barely feel them so I was asking in between "is that one?" Sharon kept saying "One more push, one more push". Then she told me it would take about 11 more pushes and she'd count them down. Well, we got to 11 and it took about 2 more after that. Bill was saying how amazing it was and that he could see the baby's head. I was soooooo tired and my eyes started rolling back in my head. I didn't realize this but Lisa kept talking to me and trying to keep me focused. "Dahling, dahling, focus, open your eyes, look at me, dahling" or something like that. Later she told me my eyes were rolling up. I was so relieved when the baby finally came out. It was such a release! She placed the baby on my belly but it was facing away from me so I couldn't see what it was or the face. Bill was the one that told me it was a boy. I was so overjoyed that all I could say was "it's a boy, we have a boy, I have a boy, etc...". They wiped the baby off and Bill cut the cord. Then they took him over to the table to do whatever it is they do with newborns. Sharon told me I'd have to push a little bit more to get the placenta out. That was easy compared to what I had just accomplished. I was sooo tired and happy that I barely noticed she was sewing me up where I had torn a little bit. She said I had lost a lot of blood and that they'd have to put me on iron because I'd be anemic. I hadn't thought much about the healing process, I was just focused on meeting baby. Once they were done with me they brought Jackson over so I could hold him and kiss him and talk to him before they took him off to the nursery. He was the cutest thing I had ever laid eyes on and I automatically fell in love. Such a beautiful boy! Bill went along with him and Lisa stayed with me. Once the family came in she went home to get some much needed rest. I immediately asked them for food. I needed something! They had a boxed lunch with a turkey sandwich that I scarfed down. I was still hungry so I asked if they had anything else. They brought me a tray with turkey and gravy and something else, I forget now. It had been 23 hours people! I was hungry! LOL Linda helped me fix my hair, it was a mess! I just wanted it out of my face. Somebody was taking pictures so now everyone gets to see how tired and disheveled I looked. But, thanks to blogging, you now know why.

Jackson is now 8 months and crawling. There is a lot that I haven't written about but I don't have it all memorized. He was right in line with all the milestones up to this point that babies are expected to meet. He says things like "baba" or "byebye" and once said "mama" but hasn't said it again yet. He's the sweetest boy a momma could ask for. He's so smart and growing so fast. I have so much fun playing with him and giving him hugs and kisses. I am in love!

P.S. I told you I share everything about pregnancy. Women need to know what really happens because Hollywood has glamorized it. And no, I did not scream or hollar. I was too busy holding my breath.

D (Due) Day

Yesterday was my official due date for bebe. Bebe obviously has other plans because she/he has not yet arrived. Mom came up to take me to my appointment which was nice. It's no fun going alone. Sharon, my midwife, saw me in the hallway and said "are you in labor yet?". I said "No, unfortunately" and she made a sad face. Once she got to the room with me we chatted about what had been going on with me. It seems my water has still not broken, but I'm already at 3 cm dilated. I lost 3 lbs of water weight which is nice and my feet are not so swollen. My blood pressure was up again, but only to 132/60. She gave me another "good exam" I guess trying to get things moving along. Not the most comfortable, but since this was my third "good exam" in two weeks, I was starting to get used to it and it didn't hurt as much. She then told me I was going to be put on a non-stress monitor and after that I could go and she'd see me on Friday when I'm scheduled for induction at 5:30 AM. It's totally elective, but I can't see waiting any longer for bebe...I'm just too damn uncomfortable and starting to worry that things are progressing so slowly.

The nurse, Cara, came in and put on the monitor for the bebe's heart beat and one to see if I was having contractions. She angled it so I could read the chart as it blipped along. I laid there and relaxed and enjoyed the sounds of bebe's heart beat. It was almost like meditating. The line that detected contractions stayed flat the whole time. I figured I wasn't having any. I don't really know what they're going to feel like, but you see things on tv and you assume. So far this has been nothing like tv. I started to panic a little because I was starting to get that "I need to eat NOW" feeling (I think it's some sort of hypoglycemia issue...which I have not had diagnosed.) I need to eat every couple of hours or I get clammy and weak. Just then Sharon comes in to check on me and while she's looking at the print out she says "Hmm, I think you need a soda". I thought she was kidding and she went out of the room. A minute later she comes in with a Pepsi and a pack of nabs. "This woman is an angel" was my first thought. She poured me some Pepsi, opened the nabs and said "this is a new thing, if you stay here long with us you get a complementary snack". She said she'd be back in 10 minutes and then I could go home. I laid there enjoying my snack, the soothing sound of bebe's heart beat and the view of the Elizabeth River and odd shaped clouds floating by. I felt like I was in a spa! It was such a happy moment and I started to think about meeting bebe that I felt a tear streak down my cheek. These hormones are some powerful things! I have been so stressed this last month or so, it was nice to have some time to just sit and relax and think about bebe. I don't usually drink Pepsi, but that was the best damn Pepsi and pack of nabs I've ever eaten!

Mom and I went to lunch in Ghent after my appointment and had a delicious Stromboli. Then we headed back to Portsmouth so I could put my feet up, Dr.'s orders. I have been drinking water like it's going out of style this past week. My feet have been so swollen and this was the first day I had seen my ankles in a while. I'm just glad the blood work they took on my Monday to check my liver came back alright. I was worried I'd have some sort of complication. As long as I rest and keep my feet up and drink my water, I think I'll be just fine. I am concerned that they won't let me eat once I get into the hospital. I don't want to get all clammy and weak just when I need to pull together all the strength I've got to deliver this baby. I'll have to eat plenty today and be sure to eat something with protein in the morning. I'm not happy about having to get up so early, but I'm really ready to have this bebe.

I just hope I can get through the birth process without the need for medication. Fingers crossed!

I probably won't be able to update for a little while anyway because we'll be off having a bebe and then bringing bebe home and getting settled. However, I want to keep everyone updated so I'll try my best. Wish me luck!

Put you feet up!

So, today I go to the doctor for a check up, hoping to get the good news that I'm 5 cm or something crazy like that. I took Momma with me since she's back in town and I don't like to go alone now that I'm so close. I told Bill he was off the hook for these checkups because I want him to save his leave time for after bebe arrives. Mom sat in the waiting area and knitted and tried to chat people up, but no one was really in a talking mood. Gotta love her for trying though LOL :-)

Sharon (my midwife) saw my feet and just kind of gave me a look like "you poor thing". My feet have been swelling up really good for the past two weeks or so, but they were especially puffy this morning. My blood pressure was also up a little bit and I have gained 4 pounds of water weight since last Wednesday. That's less than a week! So, she told me I was done with work and to stay home and put my feet up, drink lots of water and avoid salt. She also had them do more blood work. (Yes, Eric, more blood work!) She wanted to check my liver to make sure everything there is ok. She was optimistic that it's fine, but has to check as a precaution.

So, I sit in the little chair and grabbed the little pill shaped stress ball. Cara tried first. She checked my left arm and hand and then my right arm and hand. She was not optimistic but she stuck me once in the arm and once in the hand and was not able to get it. I saw one of the nurses that was able to get a good vein before so I suggested she try. She used to work at a diabetes clinic so she was known for getting a good stick. Well, she looked and looked and stuck me once but it rolled. Then she called in the Nurse Practitioner who is super woman at drawing blood evidently. She used to work in labor and delivery. Well, she put two tourniquets on my damn arm! I thought it was going to fall off! She stuck me once and it rolled. She said, "Ok, I'm going to try one more time in this other arm and if I can't get it then I'm sending you to Lab Corp." I guess that's what I subconsciously needed to hear because she got a good stick that time. Whew! I hadn't drunk much water because I wasn't expecting any more blood work after the 4 hour blood test about a month ago. So, she gave me two cups of water that I gulped down quickly as I felt myself get hot and cold and hot and cold. No spots though!

I go back on Wednesday for another check up. If an induction comes open on the schedule she's going to call me and get me in, otherwise I'm scheduled for Friday at 5:30 AM for induction. I'm hoping this baby comes today or tomorrow! Until then, I am waiting (not so patiently). Bebe's room is ready, my bag is backed, and the car seat is in the car. I am READY!

Happy Mother's Day

Baby is due to arrive this Wednesday, but I'm hoping he/she will grace us with her/his presence before then. My feet have been swollen for the past two weeks and I think I might have done some damage to my left one from walking around so much in my flip flops. Since my feet are swollen those are the only shoes that fit me and I have been trying to walk as much as possible to help the labor process along. At last Wednesday's check up I was 2 cm dilated already. I go in again tomorrow and I feel like I've got to be a few more cm. We shall see. At least at this point if I go into labor it will be my midwife that delivers me. If I had gone earlier this weekend it would have been a different doctor on call.

The Mommas are coming up this afternoon for a cookout. Since I can't go too far from the hospital in case I go into labor, they are coming to me. The weather is perfect (not rainy or too hot) so we will cookout on the grill and eat out on our deck. I was up and moving around this morning doing stuff and have had to take a break already. I am hugely pregnant!

This morning, Bill went out to get coffee and came back with the sweetest Mother's Day card and an orange lily plant and my first red rose bush! This has been a great Mother's Day already and it's only 12:30pm!

If I make it past my due date they will induce me this Friday morning. I'm hoping bebe decides to join us before then though. I am not thinking about the process as much as I am excited about the end result. Finding out who's been flipping around in my belly these past nine months and what sort of personality they will have is the fun part. I just hope labor is easy and I can do it without medication. Fingers crossed!

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers!

This time of year sucks!

I used to say that Spring was my favorite time of year. The pretty flowers starting to bloom (even if all the ones in my new yard are ALL pink), the chance to get outside and enjoy the nice weather that's not too hot and not too cold. Well, I still enjoy that part of Spring, but last year and this year, Spring sucks. Last year, my cousin Shane died just before his 36th birthday. And he didn't just die of some tragic motorcycle accident like I always feared would happen. He committed suicide and to this day none of us saw it coming (even with hindsight) and none of us understand why he would do such a thing. From what we knew he had it pretty good. He ran a biker bar and did whatever he damn well pleased. You don't have to be a millionaire to be happy and have everything you need. He had a large group of friends that had become family to him. We only saw him on major holidays, but when we did see him, it was just like old times. I was really fond of Shane, not just because we were related, but because he was a good person and would do anything for just about anybody, no matter who you were. One of my favorite examples of his giving nature is the year he organized his biker family and raised money to buy one of their friends toys for his kids so they'd have a nice Christmas because this guy was having a hard time and could not afford anything to give to his kids. Those of us who celebrated Christmas know there has to be toys or there is either serious hell to pay or some might think their folks don't love them. They don't understand finances, they don't know that money doesn't grow on trees. Shane saw this and immediately chipped in and others followed suit. This friend wasn't his best friend, just someone who came to his bar every now and then and was involved with the "Brotherhood", the biker family. No, it's not like the mob. These are good folks. So, I just don't understand why he would take his own life, just days before Mother's Day and his birthday. He loved his Momma with everything he was, so whatever his "reason" was had to be pretty terrible. He told her he'd see her on that Monday for his birthday and Mother's Day. When he didn't call Mother's Day (Sunday), she knew something had to be wrong, but just figured he was busy or something. A mother knows. Sure enough, that Friday night was the night he died, May 9, 2008.

Well, here it is, almost a full year since Shane died and what's going on with me. I just found out yesterday that I did not get the promotion I was up for. I am not without a job. The way I set it up was that if things didn't work out with the promotion, I would still have an Admin job. It's a good thing I thought to do that or else we'd be in a world of trouble now. We just bought a house. We're having our first baby in just a few weeks. We just had to buy a new car because Bill's went kaput. (Random thought: I wish I could have charged the 45 people I've taught to knit $20...that would have been a nice chunk of change to add to my income) So, this is why I'm up at 6:15 am this morning. I like to sleep in, but I could not go back to sleep once I had to get up and use the bathroom ( my bladder is constantly being tap danced on by bebe). It's heartbreaking...and it's almost May 9th again. You see why I say this time of year has begun to suck?

The bad thing is I've been so stressed out worrying about work and if I would get the job, etc... that I have not been able to really focus on and enjoy this pregnancy. I'm obviously happy and excited to meet bebe, but I have been distracted while this little one is growing inside me. Now's my chance to really put all my energy into the arrival of bebe and learning how to be a Mommy. That's my job now and it will be for the rest of my life. No one can take that away from me. There are no other candidates who are more "qualified". This is my bebe. Bill and I will give this bebe all the love in the world and teach him/her to be a good person and care about other people and nurture this bebe in a way that allows him/her to be who they are/want to be. We were both lucky to have parents who raised us with lots of love and care and encouraged us to be who we wanted to be. They still continue to do that and that's what I want to be able to do for our bebe.

You may have noticed (or maybe not) that I have not updated this blog in a little over a month. Distractions. No more, this forum really helps me work through all the crap that is going on in my life, and also to appreciate all the wonderful things too.

Wondering how I made it through the day yesterday without having a nervous breakdown? As soon as I found out the news, I asked my cousin Katie (who works there too in a different department) to go to lunch with me. I needed an immediate distraction and support. She did just that for me. She knows how hard I've been working and that I do a damn fine job. It was exactly what I needed. Katie and I grew up together early on and then didn't find each other again until I got to college. We're very different, but we have found our way to relate to each other. It's nice being connected with her again. It's like having a sister. I already have a sister, but talk about someone who's very different from me and we have not found a way to relate to each other. Anyway, she had to go back to work so I dropped her off and then contemplated going home. I really didn't want to come home and just sit around the house. I needed more distractions. Obviously I was hurt and angry and needed my friends. I called my best girl Lisa and left her a message about what was going on. Then I just started driving around. I decided I needed some pampering. I headed over to Changes. Before I went in Lisa called me back and we talked about what bullshit it was that I didn't get the job. Anyway, we made plans to go out after all my pampering. I went into Changes and set up an appointment for a pedicure and hair cut. I had been holding out on cutting my hair until I knew I had my interview scheduled. Well, that's not happening, so I am cutting my hair for me. It has been in that yucky in between stage where it just kinda hangs there and has no life to it. Don't get me wrong, I still love my ponytail...it is something I've always worn, but even ponytails got to have some bounce. I enjoyed my pedicure and read O magazine (the issue with Michelle Obama) while she painted my toes "Coney Island Cotton Candy" (not pink...peach). I wanted a French pedicure, but evidently she was the massage therapist filling in for one of their nail specialists. Whatever, I just needed my feet to feel soft and look nice. I might have time before bebe comes to get a real French pedi. Funny that I'm concerned about what my toes will look like during labor. No body is going to be looking at my toes. It will just make me feel better to have them done. Now if I can just convince Bill to help me shave my legs in time, I'll feel much better. I am very much looking forward to bebe's arrival, but not the part where all my modesty goes flying out the window. Lisa's in charge of laying down the law while I'm in labor and making sure there aren't 100 people coming in there to "check" me or hanging around while this bebe is emerging into the world. They tell me I won't care when the time comes, but I have a sneaking suspicion it will cause me some tension and that does not work well for labor. Anyway, after my pedi I was scheduled with their "top stylist" for a shampoo, cut and style. Alan was very nice. I've had two men (besides my dad) cut my hair before and they were too caught up in themselves to hear what I was asking them to do. One guy actually shaped my hair like a box around my face, ugh! I told Alan I wanted some of the length off and just to have bit of a different look than the good old ponytail (while still being able to pull it back into a pony tail...if you don't understand the pony tail, look up Kathleen Hannah of Bikini Kill). He suggested long layers so it would sit nicely but still be able to be pulled back if needed. See, he gets me. My favorite part of any hair cut is the shampoo. I love the free head massage you get (well, maybe not free, I was paying for their top stylist). It's just very relaxing. He didn't talk my ear off too. I really was not in a telling my life story kind of mood. I'm obviously pregnant so we talked about that for a bit. I enjoyed that. He was very quick about the hair cut. He probably could have done it in his sleep, but I didn't care. I just needed the pampering and distraction. My hair looked great. Granted, I will most likely not be able to recreate the style seeing as how I do not use mousse and I am remedial at best with my blow dryer skills. I predict my hair will flip out instead of under like it always does at this length. I know what some of my friends who might be reading this are thinking, no it's not something I wish to learn. I like the convenience of wash and go. I don't want to spend 10-15 minutes of my life doing my hair. If you know me well, you understand. Being girly is just not my thing and does not come easily for me. You notice I didn't not go home and do my own nails (mostly because I can't reach them) or hair. I had someone else do them for me. That's as girly as I get. Lisa has gotten me to wear pearls and that's pretty damn impressive. So, I still had an hour to waste before my already scheduled massage appointment with my favorite massouse, Cara. Thank goodness I had already set that up! I needed more girl friend time so I went by and saw Stephanie at work. She loved the new do, but could tell immediately that something was wrong. There was no plastering a fake smile on my face...it showed that I was upset. We chatted for a bit and she gave me some supportive and encouraging words. She gave me a much needed hug and I was on my way (with a delicious sweet tea of course). I was making the rounds, going to all my girl friends for support. It's nice to be able to do that, to know that they're there for you when you need it most. I literally just drove around the neighborhood at that point not knowing where to go. I finally decided to park near my appointment and look in some of the shops. I went into this health food store to look at their essential oils to see if there were any I wanted. I figure I better wait to try new oils until after bebe arrives. I hadn't been in there long when Aunt Gayle called (she's not technically my aunt, but she's always been like family to me). She had a question about where I had registered for bebe. Bebe is obviously right there with me, but sometimes I get distracted and it's nice to be reminded by others that bebe is on his/her way, especially now. I've heard of post-partum blues, but was about pre or ante-partum blues. These blues are not a result of pregnancy hormones though, just a sucky situation. Anyway, then I walked over to Taste Unlimited and bought myself some lime cooler cookies and sat outside and enjoyed the nice weather. Finally a break from the rain! However, as I'm sitting there mulling over the days events and having to face everybody at work when I go back, I see this sign staring me in the face (song playing in my head: I Don't Care Anymore by Phil Collins...makes me want to play the drums): "Your life is what your thoughts make it". Basically, "snap out of it!" I go in for my appointment a few minutes early and she's ready for me. I have been looking forward to this all month! I forgot to ask what aromatherapy she was using, but I think there was some citrus oils involved. It was very nice whatever it was. I told her my lower back was bothering me just a bit, but mostly it was my calves and feet. Well it turns out there was a lot of tension in my shoulders and hips so it felt good to get that worked out. I tried to listen to the music (waves crashing on a beach and other gentle sounds) but couldn't help but replay what had happened earlier that day. I hope she didn't notice my tears. There were just a few that I couldn't hold back. If she did notice, she didn't say anything. I've been going to her for a bit over a year now. She's wonderful and I would recommend her to everybody. I think she gave me a few extra minutes too. Afterwards she told me about reflexology that could be done to induce labor if I got passed my due date. I told her about Mom being out of town for business a lot lately and how I hoped I'd go into labor while she was in town. I might have to call her on a Friday before my due date and see if that stuff works. I'm 36 weeks now, so I wouldn't do that too early. Maybe the week I'm due. Of course, if that works out, then I'd have this baby on May 9th...I know this is a long post so in case you forgot, that would be the one year anniversary of Shane's death. Yeah, I'm actually due the day before his birthday. Go figure. I'm not sure how Aunt Linda (Shane's mom and my "second" mother) would react to that, especially since if we have a boy we're naming him Jackson Shane. It might be too much for her. I really want Mom to be in town when I go into labor though. I plan too much, I should just let it happen when it's gonna happen.

Anyway, thanks to all my girl friends for their love and support (Erin and Kimberly who I texted with/spoke to by phone too). A big thank you thank you thank you to my husband Bill who has been amazing. He has taken such good care of me and has given me so much love and support I don't think I could ever thank him enough. Today is our 10 year anniversary (of being together). These 10 years with him have meant so much to me and we are more connected now than ever before. It takes a little while to learn each other, but being in that place where you know where they're coming from and what they need and what they're thinking/feeling without having to ask, but asking anyway because people need to be able to speak their feelings, is a wonderful experience. He is going to be such a wonderful father! I am truly blessed to have found him so early in life. It's funny too because once we started talking about marriage and kids, he'd always tell me we'd have kids in 10 years. Well, it's been 10 years and here we are about to have our first bebe.

So, now it's time to find a way to deal with this huge blow to my heart and focus on Bill and bebe and all the love and support coming from my friends and family. It will be a nice shift to not agonize over work or if I got the job anymore. And you better believe I'm going to take as much maternity leave as I possibly can.

Some pictures for your viewing pleasure:


Momma and Daddy to be


Me and Daddy


I can't see my feet, but I can see Bill's

Home, Sweet Home!

It's official! Bill and I are homeowners! We moved in this weekend thanks to the help of our awesome friends Stephanie, Todd, Careyanne, Katie, and Belcher. Also, thanks to the help of our awesome families Jonna, Daddy, Linda, Momma, Nancy and Billy. Stephanie also was a big help with the painting. The Johnsons also pitched in painting the bebe's room and Andy was quite handy with the little fixes we had to get done. We couldn't have done it with out you all! Can you imagine...Bill would have to have done everything pretty much since I'm 7 months pregnant and have to take a break every 10 minutes. Yeah, that would have been a mess.

Our house is beautiful! Our rooms are blue, green and yellow. Nice and bright and welcoming! Franky and Lil' E are already right at home. They were a little nervous at first, but once they realized all of our stuff came with us, I guess they realized we'd be here a while. We have our living room, kitchen, and bedroom all set up. The other rooms still have boxes to be unpacked, but we're doing pretty good for just having moved in. Most of the boxes are filled with our library of books. We are doing that last for obvious reasons. There's no just putting them up on the shelf in this house...they HAVE to be organized. There are so many of them! I mean, hello, a women's studies and a history major! Can we say reading intensive?

This weekend I hope to get the beds and desk for the guest room. I can't wait to get it all settled and have folks over! Partay! We'll have to get the hot tub going too. I can't get in it until after bebe, but that doesn't mean our team of movers/painters/friends can't enjoy it! Today was the first day I made the commute from here to work. It wasn't all that bad. I just listened to the radio and relaxed. It took me about 30 minutes there and 38 minutes back. Not too bad.

Bebe is doing well! My belly is already in the way. I have to learn my limitations and take breaks when needed. We went to the doc last Wednesday and I had more blood work done. This time it was to check for gestational diabetes. Bill came with me to help distract me while they drew blood. I thought it would just be 1 vial....wrong...it was 3! She got me on the first stick which was amazing. However, I started to notice that I had been sitting there for a little longer than expected. When the spots came I realized it was more than one vial that she was taking. Bill just kinda smiled at me and then it was all over. I didn't pass out or get hot/cold so it was successful. That's probably the last time they have to draw blood, but the nurse did say I would probably have to get an IV when I go into labor. I want to avoid that if possible. I'm getting to the point where I can tolerate the blood work now, but having something hanging out of my vein, not cool. Maybe I can get around that.

Anyway, that's the latest update. Maybe now that we're all moved in to the house I will be able to make more frequent updates. Like,new pictures would be nice, right?

2009 So Far....

There is a lot to report since my last post! On New Year's Eve, Bill and I got another ultrasound. The bebe is so big now (23 weeks). We were able to see it's face looking at us, it's legs crossed, it's little heart beating, it's spine, but the ultrasound tech did a good job of hiding the baby's sex. It was moving around and I could feel it and see it at the same time. That was pretty amazing. They said that everything looks normal and the genetic tests I had done came back negative. (Sigh of relief) They have ceased referring to the bebe as the size of various fruits and vegetables at this point. I guess now I'll have to say, it's 11 inches long and about a pound. Bill was finally able to feel the bebe kick this week. He was pretty amazed and I was thrilled that he finally was able to feel it. It's such a strange feeling. I'm being told by various websites that the bebe is able to get REM sleep. So, if I'm sitting for a while, like at work, I may not feel it as much because it may be sleeping (dreaming of playing with the umbilical cord or the sounds it's starting to hear). It's a pretty active baby which makes me happy. We've started to talk to her/him. I sing along to the radio (when I'm alone of course) and talk to him/her when it moves. Yesterday I had my dinner plate in my hand resting on my belly. All of a sudden I felt it nudge my hand. I started laughing out loud because it was a strange thing to happen and it started moving more like it was playing with me. I can already tell that this baby will be a happy one and active.

Weekend before last we started our search for a house. We found one this past weekend and put a contract on it. The next day we found out they accepted our offer! It's the cutest little bungalow in a nice neighborhood. It's got a front porch with a swing (bonus!), 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, newer counters and cabinets in the kitchen (all appliances convey, even the washer/dryer), a laundry room, a screened in porch with a hot tub (bonus!), a patio/deck (patio furniture included!), a garden area that someone actually used as a garden at one point, a attic with a floor (just needs drywall and paint to be finished), and a detached garage. Oh, and it also has a wood burning stove which Bill drooled all over as soon as we walked into the house. I'm hoping the guy will leave the pile of wood, but we didn't ask for it. It's already been landscaped out front, but I might change the flowers. Pansies aren't really my thing. My father ran a florist for 30 years and was able to make flowers grow in our terrible clay soil back home so I think I've got the perfect helper for that part. We're hoping to close in February a week before the person taking over our apartment wants to move in. This way we can paint one weekend (I won't be painting of course, bebe and all) and move some things in. This will give it a week to air out and then move fully in the next weekend.

We want to paint the bebe's room green and yellow stripes (Bill's idea and I love it!). Our room will probably be some shade of green, most likely a soothing shade. The spare bedroom/knitting storage/guitar room will probably be a blue color. Not sure about the living room. Maybe blue again. Our wedding colors were blue and green so we're drawn to them. Maybe we'll paint the kitchen too if we have time. I'm hoping our awesome friends will be willing to help with the painting since I can participate. This will be hard for me because I like to paint, and supervise LOL!

This weekend we have the inspection scheduled. I hope there are no major repairs needed. We didn't see any, but it's not like we looked under the house. I want to take some pictures of the house when we go for the inspection. I don't know if the guy has moved out yet, but I hope he won't mind.

I want to plant rosemary, lavender, and basil in the garden. Also, probably tomatoes and zucchini and maybe squash. Maybe some red and yellow peppers and Bill would like some jalapenos.

We are VERY excited! It all appears to be coming together. We deserve the good news after the year we just had. 2008 was terrible! All except for this little baby of course.

Oh, and I started an Etsy page! I was thinking I could make a few extra dollars for bebe stuff this way. I had a bunch already made up that's listed and I want to do a section of "knit-to-order/made-to-order". For this I would put up pictures of things I've made before and once it's "sold" I would make the item. This way I wouldn't risk making a bunch of stuff and it not selling. I have had this page for 10 days and no sales yet. I'm thinking there are other ways I can draw more people to my page (adding more pictures, key search words, etc..). Of course, if you know someone who might be interested in a knitted gift or two, please send them to: www.pidgenknits.etsy.com There is a link on this page near the top too.

I also need to post some pictures (bebe belly, etc...) so keep your eyes open for those. I'd like to be able to update this page at least every week. I guess that's the only New Year's Resolution I've made. It's more attainable than the typical ones and I can't exactly be trying to lose weight right now can I! :-)